Dear Friend,

We have known each other for years and yet I feel like you don't know me at all. Sure sometimes I am intense and passionate. Too passionate for some. I will say things that are off the cuff, unrehearsed with little thought. I may be unrefined and loud.
 I love to hear about your joys and your frustrations but never get a chance to. Often our interactions are fleeting and superficial. They seem to happen when something is needed from me or as a last resort.
Our lives are so busy we have families, jobs that need our attention. Our interests are different and yet   in the past we bounced back. Are our differences so great that we cannot find common ground? Sure, friendships change, we grow older and our kids take more and more of our time. I know not to be too sensitive about this.
 It is not easy to feel like the geeky kid wanting to sit next to the cool kids. To always be the one to work for something without any of the benefit. Or to be expected to know what is going on in your life when no meaningful exchange has taken place. I am a grown woman who is resigned to being treated like a child. Be it out in public or on the phone. It gets old when I get the vibe that I am childish or my ideas are antiquated.
 So I ignore it for a few days. Going to work, being a mom and a wife, talking to friends and keeping my hands busy. My life is happy  and much more secure than it has been in the past. I do not have the need inside me to run. This winter I have come to love where I am in life and still with all of this around me I still see room for an old friend. One who I know well enough to hear the impatience in her voice when we speak.
 Maybe that is the crux of the problem? Is it inherently too hard to have to deal with baggage? Do I know you too well, bringing up things that you deem should be swept under a rug? The broken in jeans feeling of our friendship is not there. I find myself censoring my comments or worrying I will cross a line which has been crossed many times in the past with a laugh.  No matter the reason. I am tired of superficial. I am tired of feeling like I have to jump whenever you call. I guess the biggest thing I don't understand is when did you start to feel I was not worth your time?
If you still knew me you would know that I have empathy for others that is down right annoying at times. I will always see the great potential in people who have hurt me. I won't turn my back on someone even if they have treated me badly. I can't do it. I may complain about them or sulk but I will always try to find the good. Maybe that is the problem. I can't write you off.
So letters like this tend to have a summation of some kind. I like me, I sometimes like to be the center of attention and  I definite like my voice to be heard. I am lazy and opinionated, my kids are not perfect and yes I reminisce too often. I like moving at a slow pace and being a home body who sews and likes Star Trek.  I have a temper and  at times my clothes don't match. I can act like a 14 year old and I always have thread on me. Take this or leave it just don't string me along with token interest. I know I will forgive you and try to pick up from where we left off if I want to or not.

Marlo